McClellan Asks That Sabbath Be Observed
SEPTEMBER 21, 1861.]
(Previous Page) Either that Government bears authoritatively upon every individual citizen in regard to the interests of the whole country, or it operates " by your leave," and when you do not choose to obey, the Government, so far as you are concerned, is at an end.
The Kentucky and Maryland theory is absolutely the theory of Jeff Davis and the conspirators; and the ninth resolution of the partisan Democratic Convention in this State is like unto it. The war, thank Heaven ! will clear up all that cloud. We shall come out of it a strong, united, undisputed and indisputable nation ; or we shall come out of it a loose group of States that do not know whether they compose a nation or whether they are partners at pleasure. Absolute nationality or anarchy will be the result of the war.
HUMORS OF THE DAY.
MRS. ROCHEFOUCAULD'S MAXIMS.
BEARDLESS youths are most prone to arrogance and self-sufficiency. As they grow older their whiskers cover a great deal of their cheek.
Men should never choose a flirt for a wife, be she fair as Venus. The sagacious housewife avoids the fruit that has its bloom off.
It is difficult to hide one's vanity; but it is more difficult still to wear it gracefully.
Refinement covers a multitude of improprieties.
Some women blush to prove that they have a little modesty left.
When a female friend asks your advice about a lover say that he is not worthy of her, and counsel her to reject him. She will vastly relish the compliment you pay her, and the lover may fall to your lot into the bargain.
Tears are a woman's best and most convincing reasons.
A looking-glass never pays compliments, but it enables us to win them.
We are "very happy to see" people whom we detest, and "very much obliged" to persons whose favors are nuisances. We return thanks for the kind inquiries of acquaintance who have not the least interest in us, and whom we rather dislike than otherwise.
A woman will tell a secret to you, "because you're different"—but to nobody else.
We trample upon our fallen sisters to show the world how firm of foot we are ourselves.
Time is our bitterest enemy. He makes us wear caps. Children are mile-stones that tell the world the distance a woman has traveled from her youth.
HOW THREE FISHERS WENT SALERING. Three Mothers sat talking who lived at the West—The West end—as that eldest son went down,
Each thought him the husband that she liked the best, For the girl who had watched him all over the Town. For men must pay or women will weep
And their dress is expensive, and many to keep, And their Mothers are always wo-o-ning.
Three gentlemen lounged at their club-house door, And they thought of those girls as the funds went down; They thought of their bankers and thought them a bore, And of bills that came rolling in " ragged and brown." But men must pay or women will weep-
Though debts be pressing—still Mothers are deep, And keep up a constant wo-o-ning.
Three gentlemen lay in three separate cells
The last season's "necessities" pulled them down—And the women are weeping and ringing their bells, For those who will never more show upon Town, For men must pay or women will weep;
And the sooner you do it the
sooner you'll sleep,
A JOKE PICKED UP NEAR ST. GEORGE'S.—What is the difference between the Bridegroom at a wedding and the Pot-boy at a " Public ?" Why, the one is in a Hy-meneal, and the other, don't you see, is in a low-menial position.
"LADIES' LIGHT DRESSES."—From the frequency with which it takes fire, we should say that Crinoline was entitled to be called, par excellence, "The Lady's Light Dress."
A little boy had lived for some time with a very penurious uncle, who was one day walking out, with the child at his side, when a friend accosted him, accompanied by a greyhound. The little fellow, never having seen a dog of so slim and slight a texture, clasped the creature round the neck with the impassioned cry, " Oh, doggie, doggie ! and div ye live wi' your uncle, tae, that you are so thin?"
A sailor who had served on board the Romney, with Sir Home Popham, after returning home from India, finding that wigs were all in fashion, bespoke a red one, which he sported at Portsmouth, to the great surprise of his companions. On being asked the cause of the change of color in his hair, he said it was occasioned by his bathing in the Red Sea.
DO YOU GIVE IT UP?
My first is a bit of butter,
My next a bit of mutton,
My whole is a little matter
Not bigger than a button.
If I were to bite off the end of your nose, what would the laws of the land compel me to do?
To keep the piece (peace).
When do the teeth usurp the tongue's prerogative? When they are chattering.
Why ought the stars to be the best astronomers?
Because they have studied (studded) the heavens ever since creation.
Who took in the first newspaper?
Cain; he took a Bell's Life (Abel's life).
Why are your feet like olden tales?
Because they are legends (leg ends).
When is salt butter like Irish children?
When it is made into little pats.
I'm a word that is made of three vowels alone,
And is backward and forward the same
Though I speak not a word I make sentiment known, And to beauty lay principal claim.
What three words did Adam use when he introduced himself to Eve, and which read the same backward and forward?
Madam, I'm Adam.
What scent would a lady prefer who was going to marry a gentleman of the name of Richard?
Eau de Cologne (0 Dick alone).
ONE OF THE WESTERN OBITUARY NOTICES.—Mistur Edatur : Jem bangs, we are sorry to stait, has deseized. He departed this Life last mundy. Jem wos generally considered a gud feller. He dide at the age of 23 years old. He went 4th without ary struggle ; and sich is Life. Tu Da we are as pepper grass, mighty smart, to Morrer we are cut down like a cowcumber of the ground. Jem kept a nice stoar, which his wife now waits on. His virchews wos numerous to behold. Menny is the things we bot at his growcery, and we are happy to stait to the admirin wurld that he never cheeted, speshully in the wate of markrel, which wos nice and smelt sweet, and his survivin wife is the same wa. We never knew him to put sand in his sugar, tho he had a big sand bar in front of his hous ; nur water in his Lickurs, tho the Ohio River runs past his dore. Pece to his remaines ! He leves a wife, 8 children, a cow, 4 horses, a growcery stoar, and other quodrepeds, to mourn his loss; but in the spalendid langwidge ov the poit, his loss is there eternal gane.
"It seems to me I have seen your physiognomy somewhere before," said a swell to a stranger whom he met the other day ; " but I can not imagine where." " Very likely," replied the other ; " I have been the keeper of a prison for the last twenty years."
A stingy fellow, in making love to a young lady, said that his affections were "riveted upon her." She told him that she did not want to have any dealings with rivets or screws like him. Of course, after that the fellow didn't expect to nail her.
A LETTER FROM THE CZAR.
THE Russian Minister, M. De Stoeckl, had an audience of the President on Saturday, and read to him the following dispatch:
"ST. PETERSBURG, July 10 1861.
"M. De Stoeckl.
"SIR,—From the beginning of the conflict which divides the United States of America you have been desired to make known to the Federal Government the deep interest with which our august master was observing the development of a crisis which puts in question the prosperity and even the existence of the Union.
" The Emperor profoundly regrets to see that the hope of a peaceful solution is not realized, and that American citizens already in arms are ready to let loose upon their country the most formidable of the scourges of political society-a civil war. For more than eighty years that it has existed the American Union owes its independence, its towering rise and its progress is the concord of its members, consecrated under the auspices of its illustrious founder, by institutions which have been able to reconcile the Union with liberty. This Union has been faithful. It has exhibited to the world the spectacle of a prosperity without example in the annals of history. It would be deplorable that, after so conclusive an experience, the United States should be hurried into a breach of the solemn compact, which, up to this time, has made their power. In spite of the diversity of their constitutions and of their interests, and perhaps even because of their diversity, Providence seems to urge them to draw closer the traditional bond which is the basis of the very condition of their political existence. In any event the sacrifice which they might impose upon themselves to maintain it are beyond comparison with those which dissolution would bring after it.
United, they perfect themselves; isolated, they are paralyzed.
THE EMPEROR ADVISES COMPROMISE.
" The struggle which unhappily has just arisen can neither be indefinitely prolonged nor lead to the total destruction of one of the parties. Sooner or later it will be necessary to come to some settlement, whatsoever it may be, which may cause the divergent interests now actually in conflict to coexist. The American nation would then give a proof of high political wisdom in seeking in common such a settlement before a useless effusion of blood, a barren squandering of strength and of public riches, and acts of violence and reciprocal reprisals shall have come to deepen an abyss between the two parties of the confederation, to end definitely in their mutual exhaustion, and in the ruin, perhaps irreparable, of their commercial and political power.
"Our august master can not resign himself to admit such deplorable anticipations. His Imperial Majesty still places his confidence in that practical good sense of the citizens of the Union who appreciate so judiciously their true interests. His Majesty is happy to believe that the members of the Federal Government, and the influential men of the two parties, will seize all occasions and will unite all their efforts to calm the effervescence of the passions. There are no interests so divergent that it may not be possible to reconcile them by laboring to that end with zeal and perseverance, in a spirit of justice and moderation.
HE WISHES THE UNION TO BE MAINTAINED.
"If, within the limits of your friendly relations, your language and your counsels may contribute to this result, you will respond, Sir, to the intentions of his Majesty the Emperor in devoting to this the personal influence which you may have been able to acquire during your long residence at Washington, and the consideration which belongs to your character as the representative of a sovereign animated by the most friendly sentiments toward the American Union. This Union is not simply in our eyes an element essential to the universal political equilibrium; it constitutes besides a nation to which our august master and all Russia have pledged the most friendly interests; for the two countries, placed at the extremities of the two worlds, both in the ascending period of their development, appear called to a natural community of interests and of sympathies, of which they have already given mutual proofs to each other.
"I do not wish here to approach any of the questions which divide the United States. We are not called upon to express ourselves in this contest. The preceding considerations have no other object than to attest the lively solicitude of the Emperor in the presence of the dangers which menace the American Union, and the sincere wishes that his Majesty entertains for the maintenance of that great work, so laboriously raised, and which appeared so rich in its future.
"It is in this sense, Sir, that I desire you to express yourself, as well to the members of the General Government as to the influential persons whom you may meet, giving them the assurance that in every event the American nation may count upon the most cordial sympathy on the part of our august master during the important crisis which it is passing through at present.
" Receive, Sir, the expression of my very deep consideration. GORTSCHAKOFF."
THE EFFECT OF THE
CAPTURE OF THE
Site Copyright 2003-2018 Son of the South. For Questions or comments about this collection,
Are you Scared and Confused? Read My Snake Story, a story of hope and encouragement, to help you face your fears.