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a chat with him. I had been
absent, however, for two or three weeks, with a few congenial friends, among the
trout-streams of Sullivan and Orange counties (0 ! Callicoon and Mongaup ! would
I were luring " the speckled" from your swirling, murmuring, bubbling, sunny and
shady bosoms to-day!), and it was a week or more after my return when, walking
down Broadway one lovely morning, I overtook my friend, Mr. Hart, a few paces
from his Store, walking slowly between two friends.
" How are you to-day?" I said, as
usual, when-ever we encountered each other ; but he looked pale and sad, and did
not instantly respond; so I added at once. " but I am afraid you are ill ; you
don't look at all well!"
" Haven't you heard .of my
terrible accident?" he asked.
I explained that I had been out
of town for several days, and since my return had been very busy, and had
therefore had no time to call at his store.
He, upon this, parted his
frock-coat in front, and directed my attention to a protuberance above his right
groin, to the extent, I should say, of a medium-sized musk-melon.
"About two months ago," said he,
"in walking down to the store in the morning, I happened to step upon a piece of
banana-skin, slipped upon it, and fell suddenly to the pavement. I got up in a
moment, and felt no pain, but only a little annoyance at the ridiculous figure I
cut and the laughter of the passers-by.
" The next day, however, I became
sensible of a dull, heavy sensation in my right groin ; and that night, on
examination, I found exuding from an al-most imperceptible orifice a whitish
fluid. This continued to increase, day after day, with additional pain, and as
it issued it ossified—turned to bone—until it has reached the enormous size you
see. Is it not awful to think of?
" To-morrow morning Dr. — and Dr.
— [two of our most distinguished surgeons] are to perform the operation of
excision, which I'm told is not a very painful one ; at any rate, I am willing
to undergo almost any thing to have it cut off."
Two days afterward, as we passed
the bazar, we saw that it was closed, and the black and white crape upon the
door-handle and the following announcement explained the reason :
" Closed in consequence of the
death of the proprietor."
Mr. Hart had died under the
And this incident brings us to
the illustration of a " Considerate Man," who, if he had preceded Mr. Hart on
the fatal morning of his fall, would have saved him from that and the terrible
catastrophe Which ensued.
We were walking in the same
street one day with the late Mr. Joseph Curtis, and remarked that every now and
then he would pause, and with his cane knock from off the pavement a peach-skin
or some other slippery rind of its kind, saying, at the same time,
" Lewis, whenever you see any
thing like that lying on the walk kick it into the street: it may save many an
accident—perhaps a human life."
Here was a Considerate Man.
It was the same spirit of
considerateness which prompted him, he afterward said, never to notice any
bodily infirmity in persons whom he met ; to pass on the right side, or sit on
the right side in a rail-car, of any one afflicted, for instance, with those
painful blood-red " marks," forms of grape-hunches, etc., which are so often
seen to disfigure the human countenance. And we may add that it was the same
spirit which prompted him to invent the chairs which have prevented, since then,
the achings of thousands upon thousands of little children's backs in the Public
Schools; and how to hold, use, and keep clean and neat their books, so that
daily use might not render them distasteful in their externals.
We have never forgotten the first
two lessons as above imparted by a Considerate Man.
We shall speak, it may be, of the
Conscientious Man hereafter.
" IN the days of some time ago,"
when one of the publishers of this journal was Honorable Lord Mayor of Gotham, a
most amusing scene was enacted in front of the City Hall, of which there are two
original witnesses, the very first who saw its commencement.
The late Charles M. Leupp (so
long the near and prominent neighbor of the publishers hereof, in the adjoining
"Swamp") was crossing the City Hall Park, in company with "the present writer,"
one summer morning about eleven o'clock. We had been "laughing consumedly" at
the airs of a tall, " shabby-genteel" apple-seller at a table by the gate; a man
who looked like a seedy minister of the Gospel, or a disciplined
Quaker "out of
meeting:" "Here is an article of apple which we can put to you at two cents ;
but those in that pile can not be afforded under three cents, for they are of a
very superior quality," etc., etc.
Well, as we neared the City Hall
we beheld and 10! a great blue-breeched black man, with a pail of lime-water and
a whitewash-brush in his hand, was bedaubing the southeast basement-corner of
that beautiful edifice (of brown stone, as every body knows) with his plastic
fluid. He hadn't given more than four or five " dabs" with his broad splasher
(the stains remained there for years, and may be faintly seen there now for
aught I know) when ; Leupp asked him:
What are you doing that for ?"
" Goin' to whitewash de basement
all in front." "Who told you to do it ?"
" Dere was a man on de corner
over dar whc hired use to do it las' night. He guy me two dollars and a half to
begin; and he's gwine to git me.
* Few of my city readers but will
remember the cast of Mr. Halsey, father of three opulent and well-knows
metropolitan merchants, who slipped upon a niece of or ange-peel, and was so
seriously injured that he was com- pelled to keep his apartment for fifteen
years! A very active old gentleman too, who suffered only from this ter rible
twenty dollars when I finish de
job. Take me 'bout a week, I reckon."
By this time several people had
gathered round, and the news had been carried in to the Mayor's office that "a
big niXXer outside was whitewashing the City Hall!"
His Honor came out, and, looking
with wonderment through his gold spectacles, saw that it was even so, and
ordered the sable artist to "hold up."
" Can't do it, massa; it's a
job,' and I've been part paid: goin' to have some every day tel I get twenty
And on went another spattering
splash with his broad "instrument," while he smoothed down the liquid with
After a while " necessity was
laid upon him," and he was compelled to desist ; not without much grumbling,
"What'st any body's business ef I
do de job, and do it good as I kin ? I told de man I would, an' I oughter ! He
said it was a dirty place, outside and in, and wanted cleanin' out !"
Some wag of a partisan, who
"belonged on the other side," had started the poor fellow on a mission of
"cleansing the Augean stable ;" and much sport did the commencement of the
operation create in the minds of all fun-loving Gotham.
Leupp never forgot this scene "
to his dying day," and he could describe it better than any other one man who
saw it : the obstinacy of the operator, his disregard of remonstrance, and his
disdain for the laughter which was echoing from the by-standers who were
witnessing his labors—O ! it was very funny !
SPEAKING of Mr. Leupp, it may
truly be said that no man more thoroughly appreciated "a good thing." Would that
I could once more hear him describe a scene which he once witnessed at Blossom's
old celebrated hotel in Canandaigua !
Lobsters were a great rarity at
that time in the western part of the State of New York, and were not frequently
seen even in its loveliest village ; but Blossom, who always would have, by hook
or by crook, every luxury upon his table which could be obtained in the markets
of New York, one day had consigned to him some choice lobsters. He had them
attractively presented upon his "full-spread board," where to some of his guests
they were a curiosity—to one, especially, a penurious old fellow from the
neighboring "country,' who asked:
"Mr. Blossom, what's them red
critters with the big claws ?"
" Those are lobsters, Mr. Blank,
a very great luxury. Try a piece of one: they are rather difficult to manage at
first, but when you come to the juice you'll say you never tasted any thing more
His guests laughed, for they "
understood" Blossom ; and while he was waiting to dress one of the "red
critters," he drew off a claw. and presented it to his country friend.
The man had but two teeth in his
cadaverous jaws ; but he took the claw, and began to mumble and manipulate it.
"It's ruther hard, Mr. Blossom,"
said he, the "beads" beginning to appear upon his wrinkled forehead.
" Yes : I told you so," said
Blossom ; "but when you get to the juice, as I said, you'll admit that you have
been repaid for your trouble."
By industrious drilling he
finally established a hole, a fact which was made apparent to his host by the
old fellow's manifest satisfaction.
"How do you like it now?" asked
Blossom. "Wa'al, it's pretty tough eatin'; but I kinder like the peth on't."
But as Blossom began to crack the
lobsters' claws and shell, and extract the peth on 'em," and the laugh ran from
one end of the table to the other, " by this and by that," the victim saw the
pith of the joke.
TOPOGRAPHY AND PATRIOTISM.
WHATEVER strengthens our local
attachments is favorable both to individual and national character. There is a
strong and a most important connection between Topography and Patriotism. What
do you think our soldiers, fighting for this very sentiment —for a united
country and undivided homes, North and South—think of it ? If the one is
desecrated, will not the other be jeoparded, if not destroyed? Show me a man who
" cares no more for one place than another," and I will show you in that same
person one who loves nothing but himself. Be-ware of those who are homeless by
choice. You have no hold on a human being whose affections are without a
COOKING AND PIETY.
I DON'T think "Sam Slick"
himself, shrewd and outspoken old trump as he is, ever gave vent, in his
inimitable way, to a more irrefragable truth than is contained in this short
sentence from " Adam Bede:"
" I've nothin' to say agin her
piety, my dear, but I know very well I shouldn't like her to cook my victuals.
When a man comes in tired and hungry piety won't feed him, I reckon. I called in
one day when she was dishin' up Mr. Truman's dinner, and I could see the
potatoes was as watery as water. It is right enough to be speritual—I'm no enemy
to that—but I like my potatoes mealy. I don't see as any body 'ull go to heaven
any sooner for not digestin' their dinner ; providin' they don't die the sooner,
as mayhap Mr. Truman will, poor man!"
IT is a rare thing to find proper
names introduced into verse with ease and effect ; but you gave, Messrs.
Editors, in a late number of the Weekly, a very happy illustration of the "way
to do it" in the equally caustic and facile lines of Professor Lowell, of
Cambridge. Dr. Maginn, of Biackwood's Magazine, excelled in this kind. Do you
remember his broad burlesque "poem" on
"A lady who once lived in Leith,
A lady very stylish, man, Who, in spite of all her teeth, Fell in love with an
A nasty, ugly Irishman,
A wild, tremendous Irishman,
A tearing, swearing, bumping,
thumping, Ramping, roaring Irishman.
"His name was a terrible name
Being TIMOTHY THADY MULLIGAN ,
And whenever he finished his
tumbler of punch, He always wanted it full ag'in:
The boozy, bruising Irishman,
The 'toxicated Irishman,
The great he-rogue,
With his wonderful brogue,
The fighting, rioting Irishman!"
About the breaking out of the
present unhappy war, somebody (and I wish I knew his name, for he fully equals "
Ensign O'Doherty" of the "Noctes," in his way) wrote the following. Its satire
is as pungent as its style is "humorsome." I can only give three or four verses,
but they will "tell the story :"
" Two Irishmen out of employ,
And out at the elbows as aisily,
Adrift in a grocery store,
Were smoking and taking it
The one was a " broth of a boy,"
Whose cheek-bones turned out and
turned in ag'in, His name it was Paddy O'Toole,
The other was Mr. M'Finnigan.
"' Bad luck to the rebels,' says
' For kicking up all this bobbery;
They call themselves gintlemen,
While practicin' murder and
Now if it's gentale for to stale,
And take all your creditors in
I'm glad I'm no gintleman born'
You're right, Sir,' says Mr.
" ' The nagur States wanted a
And now, 'pen me word, they've
got in it; They've chosen a bed that is hard,
However they strive for to cottin
Now if it's the nagurs they mane,
By "chivalry," then it's a sin
To fight for a cause that's so
' You're right, Sir,' says Mr.
" ' There's never an Irishman
From Maine to the end of
But longs for a time and a chance
To fight for this country in
And so if ould England should try
With a treacherous friendship to
sin ag'in, They'll be all on one side at once ;'
' You're right, Sir!' said Mr.
This is very far from being an
easy style, as any one will find who may try to adopt it.
" I WAS over at Greenwood the
other day," writes a friend, "and while traversing the multitudinous avenues and
side-paths of that most beautiful PARK, rather than 'City of the Dead,' I could
not help but think of that expressive sentence you quoted in your last number:
'Death is continually walking the rounds of a great city, and sooner or later
stops at every man's door.' 'For each of the two hundred thousand reposing
here,' thought I, 'Death has stopped at some door in yonder smoky metropolis,
from which even here, in the solemn stillness, like the distant under tone of
Niagara, you can hear the subdued din of "multitudes of men commercing"—the
roaring of the wheels.'"
Yes: two hundred thousand shells
of men and women repose in Greenwood, who but a little while ago were toiling,
bustling, scheming, "getting gain," or giving life and grace to society in
yonder city. Yet I remember Greenwood when as yet not a single person had been
buried in its lovely grounds.
Major Douglas, a graduate of West
Point, who had an office at No. 5 Wail Street, started this great enterprise,
and laid out the grounds. I was one among some fifty representatives of the
daily, weekly, and monthly New York press, who, at the invitation of the Major,
visited the place for the first time; and although at that period only the
different "points" and paths had been marked out, the grounds and views were
replete with natural beauty.
The lunch was "debouched," I
remember, upon the banks of " Sylvan Water;" and while we were doing justice to
the sandwiches and the Champagne a big bird flew across and disappeared in the
foliage. ' Then there arose quite an animated discussion as to what manner of
winged creature it was.
" It was a heron," said Charles
F. Daniels, then associate-editor of the Courier and Enquirer.
"I think not," answered the
present writer, affecting to misunderstand him. "It was not a Scotch herring,
that is certain, nor a red herring."
The next morning, in an account
of the visit to the future Greenwood, the Courier said that its con-,temporary
of the Knickerbocker became so oblivious over the lunch that he couldn't tell a
hawk from a Scotch herring!
There was not much to be won at
the hands of the witty C. F. Daniels.
"Enough for the present."
HUMORS OF THE DAY.
THAT was a mean Dutchman, that
Hans Karg. He had one beautiful Madonna-looking daughter, who no more resembled
him than a flower the root. "Hans, how on earth do you manage to keep your
potatoes from freezing?" asked a neighbor, one morning. "Fy, I makes Caroline
shleep on de potatoes," answered Hans; "dat
keeps dem from freezin' !"
FREEDOM OF THE CITE—Coming to a "
block" in the streets every ten minutes.
Old G-- is a great advocate of
economy, and never lets an opportunity pass for commending this virtue. Not long
ago he was speaking in praise of a couple of young men who roomed together, and
remarked, "It don't cost them any thing for dress; each one wears out the
other's old clothes."
A gentleman at an inn being
supplied with two candles which gave a very dim light, called to the waiter :
"Here, waiter, let me have a couple of decent candles to see how these others
"Barber," said a farmer to his
tensor, " now corn's cheap you ought to shave for half price." "Can't, Mr.
Jones," said the man of razors. " I ought really to charge more, for when corn's
down farmers make such long faces that I have twice the ground to go over."
DRILL FOR MARRIED VOLUNTEERS.
Fall In—To your wife's wishes ;
you'll find that you are a gainer by doing so.
Attention—To the children pay a
Right Face—Your business, and
follow it with all your energy.
Quick March—To the call of duty,
and never mind the consequences.
Halt—When your wife points out to
you that such and such a course is not the proper one.
Right about Halt—When you are
invited by a " friend" to take another glass, and you know that you have had
Present Arms—When your wife asks
you to push the perambulator for her.
Break Of Attending the public
house so much, and keep at home. You will be benefited by it physically,
morally, and socially.
Laraby and Joe H-- were
neighbors, and, with the exception of an occasional quarrel, always lived in
peace. Joe H-- had an ugly cur that trespassed upon the premises of Laraby,
whereupon he terminated its existence very suddenly; and when Joe appeared, to
wrathfully demand satisfaction or to avenge its death, Laraby sought to escape
consequences by pleading ignorance. " If I had known that it was your dog," said
he, " I wouldn't have touched a hair of his head; but the fact is," he
continued, with terrible earnestness, " I didn't know that he was any relation
An old miser, who was notoriously
parsimonious, being ill, was obliged reluctantly to consult a doctor. "What
shall I do with my head?" said the old man ; " it's so dizzy I seem to see
double." The doctor wrote a prescription and retired. The prescription ran thus:
" When you see double you will find relief if you count your money."
A manufacturer has succeeded in
making such an improvement in Britannia metal goods that it is asserted he is
obliged to warrant them not silver.
A married woman can acquire
nothing, the proper tie of marriage making all she has the property of her
What is the difference between a
sailor and a soldier ?—One tars his ropes, the other pitches his tent.
" You say, Mr. Snooks, that you
saw plaintiff leave the house. Was it in haste ?" " Yes, Sir." " Do you know
what caused the haste?" " I'm not sartin, Sir, but I think it was the boot of
his landlord." " That will do. Clerk, call the next witness."
" I should like to pay you off,"
as John Bull said to the National Debt.
"What plan," said an actor to
another, " shall I adopt to fill the house at my benefit?" " Invite your
creditors," was the surly reply.
Why is type-setting beneficial to
a nervous man ?-Because he can compose himself.
Why is the letter t like your
nose ?—Because it goes before you (u).
"Ho, Tommy!" bawls Type, to a
brother in trade, "The ministry are to be changed, it is said."
" That's good," replied Tom, "
but it better would be With a trifling erratum." "What?" " Dele the c."
A gentleman has discovered an
excellent way to disperse a crowd of idle boys. He offers to teach them the
Catechism, and they instantly run away.
A merchant having been attacked
by some thieves at five in the afternoon, said: " Gentlemen, you open shop early
Booth, the tragedian, had a
broken nose. A lady once remarked to him, " I like your acting, Mr. Booth ; but,
to be frank with you, I can't get over your nose." " No wonder, madam," replied
he, " the bridge is gone!"
A SCHOOLMASTER'S PROVERB.—The
softer the head the harder the work of driving any thing into it.
The man who was lately "struck
with a new thought," has resolved to overlook the act, it being the first time,
and there is little danger of a repetition of the offense.
Mrs. Partington wants to know, if
it were not intended that women should drive their husbands, why are they put
through the bridal ceremony?
A mother admonishing her son (a
lad about seven years of age), told him he should never defer till tomorrow what
he could do to-day. The little urchin replied, "Thee, mother, let's eat the
remainder of the plum pudding tonight."
An old maid, being at a loss for
a pin cushion, made use of an onion. On the following morning she found all the
needles had tears in their eyes.
announcement that she is coming out in full dress.
MONUMENT TO STEPHEN A.
IT is known that a monument is
soon to he erected in Chicago to the memory of the lamented
STEPHEN A. DOUGLAS.
We are enabled this week to present our readers with an accurate engraving of
the monument, from a drawing made directly from the model for the Weekly. Its
beauty will he apparent to every eye, and no word of encomium for the artist is
necessary from us.
The monument will be one hundred
feet high, wrought in marble on a granite base. Through the arched and grated
bronze door seen in the engraving will be visible the sarcophagus containing the
remains of the departed Senator. Directly over it an eagle with drooped wings is
sitting, a sublime emblem of mourning for a dead statesman. The four seated
statues upon the pedestals at the corners of the base are designed to represent
: 1st, Illinois, at the right, holding a medallion portrait of Douglas; 2d,
America, at the left, supporting a wheat-sheaf; 3d, History, at the left in the
rear, with tablet and pencil ; and 4th, Fame, holding a wreath and a trumpet.
The bas-reliefs upon the sides of
the column supporting pedestal base are designed to represent in panorama the
progress of American civilization—more especially in the Western States—with
which Mr. DOUGLAS was so peculiarly identified. That which is presented in the
engraving represents the life of the untamed Indian, with a woman and papoose,
and a hunter dragging a deer up to the door of a wigwam. Following this is a
scene representing Agriculture and the first settling of the country —the
settler's cabin and family, the plowing of the laud, and the felling of the
forest. Next comes a view of Commerce and Science— with caduceus, boxes and
barrels of merchandise, locomotive, and telegraph. The last relief is
Education—with the (Next